For my Daughter

Jason and any other guys who may happen to read this blog- I apologize in advance for a "chick" post:

I recently visited a good friend of mine who teaches dance classes to kids of various ages. She was telling me that some of the girls in her classes as young as 10 years old were already demonstrating some behaviors that reveal a poor self-image. She said she has observed these girls looking in the mirror critically and making comments like, "I am so fat!" The behaviors that my friend has observed have been concerning to her, and she has an analytical mind, so she has put her observational skills and her analysis skills to work and come to the following conclusion; these girls learn their negative body-consciousness behaviors from their mothers. The immediate moral that my friend communicated to me was that I needed to be very mindful of how I talk about myself when I am around Zoe.

Now, just to clarify, I do not have the evidence that my friend has collected. Nor have I done any research in this area, so please do not read this as though it were a dissertation or scientific paper. Instead, just let it tickle your mind and encourage you to a higher view of yourself. As I have processed the conversation I had in passing a month ago with my friend, it has occurred to me that mothers everywhere could benefit their daughters by adopting a simple practice. Before letting any idle self-criticism leave your lips, ask yourself, "Do I ever want to hear my daughter say this about herself?" The fact is that children learn how to behave by observing their parents behavior. That much is known and fairly well studied. Consequently, the more often your daughter observes you putting yourself down, for looks- or for any other trait, the more your daughter will perceive that as normative and acceptable behavior. This alarming fact has really challenged me to stop myself before I criticize my looks or my weight. Even though Zoe is barely two years old, I want to establish positive self-image patterns early on for her to model in her life. The interesting side effect of this practice is that I find myself thinking negatively about myself much less often than I did before I became focused on how my behavior might impact my daughter. I can honestly say that my self image has improved since placing Zoe's confidence and self image ahead of my own.

I recognize that, for some women, appearance or weight might not be an issue. I use this example simply because it is the one that I personally struggle with the most (for me, weight and appearance are so interconnected as to be one issue). If you have low self-confidence about your intelligence, for example, you can apply the same principle to that area. I have been particularly convicted about this because Zoe was born with a natural confidence that I have admired and loved about her as part of her God-given personality. I have prayed that God would show me how to nurture and guide her in such a way as to cultivate that confidence. In my own life, there were numerous experiences that damaged whatever confidence I had, and I do not ever remember having any confidence, even as a small child. However, God has built confidence into my personality since I became a Christian. People who have met me since I became a Christian have commented on my confidence, which always amazes me because I know that it was something that would not be there were it not for God's work in my life.

To conclude, if there are any other mothers out there in cyber-land, remember that how you think about yourself and the behavior that flows out of those thoughts communicates something very concrete to your children. Learn to think about yourself through the eyes of the God who created you (in His image, may I add). Do it for your daughter; I am doing it for mine.