Sad Jason Has a SAD

Over the past month, I had been working on trying to write up a post about how I had been healed of depression and anxiety when I suddenly realized I was struggling again with depression.  Ugh!! So frustrating.  I have a great testimony of what God has done in my life and how he has seriously delivered me from the pits of despair.  I still hope to post it sometime soon, but it just rang hollow given my current emotional state.  

I have noticed over the past several years that I've manifested symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but this year they're really kicking my butt hardcore.  Most years, I drift seamlessly from moderate inactivity during the fall to full on inactivity during the winter months.  I go from not doing too much at all physically to doing absolutely nothing at all.  However, this year was different.  

Starting in May, I decided I had enough of being a fat blob.  I was going to start eating right, get running and walking and get my butt into gear, and I did!  I lost almost 60 pounds, ran a few 5k's and felt amazing!  So when SAD hit me starting in late October and November, it was like getting knocked over by a brick wall.  I included this graph of my total miles per month from runkeeper.com (which i love!) to show just how bad it has been for me.

I hit a high in August of moving my sorry butt 87 total miles, but I've dropped every month since then.  I went from 59.3 total miles in October to 16.1 in November.  Its more than just the bad weather.  I was motivated to get out in the cold.  I got cold weather gear that I was excited to try out, but every day when I got up, I just didn't feel it.  Then when I got home, I just didn't feel it.  I have had zero energy this entire month.  

Being a good medical scientist, I looked up common symptoms of SAD and discovered that I wasn't simply being lazy this past month. I was hitting on symptoms of this same old disorder that has plagued me.

Fall and winter seasonal affective disorder (winter depression) symptoms include:

• Depression  - CHECK
• Hopelessness - NOT SO MUCH
• Anxiety - SORTA
• Loss of energy - DOUBLE CHECK
• Heavy, "leaden" feeling in the arms or legs - NO
• Social withdrawal - THIS IS BECOMING AN ISSUE I FIGHT AGAINST
• Oversleeping - OH DOUBLE YES
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed - CHECK
• Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates - NOMNOM 
• Weight gain - SADLY YES - 10 POUNDS SINCE MY LOW IN OCTOBER
• Difficulty concentrating - WHAT?

Ok, I'm convinced.  I has a SAD, but I don't want to take it lying down.  I've decided to fight against this with what ever little bit of energy I can muster.  I don't have the answers and I don't have a clear strategy yet.  here's got to be a way out of this.  I hate that I lose all life momentum for four months and then spend the next few months after that digging myself out of the hole that SAD has put me in.   

Pray for me dear friends!